February oh February

This has been a month for the books.  I can honestly say, I would have been happier to forget about this past month, this year has been a rough one so far.  I had to break up with the guy I was seeing (see last post), then I tried to patch things up with my friend of years to see if we could give "us" one last try but of course I got my feelings hurt AGAIN. You would think I'd learn by now.  Anyways, I had a good Valentines Day with him regardless but then everything else was pretty f***ed up and downhill from there.  I really miss him and the eve of my birthday was the day I had to say goodbye to him and I could have not had a horrible birthday the next day, tired and teared up from the day before.  The one year it was actually sunny on my birthday and so was the weekend and I did not feel like doing anything or being around anyone.  I felt like only a handful of people actually remembered my birthday and that really put a lot into perspective for me.  I really understood who my friends are and which family members actually cared. I am truly in a phase right now which is curbing all desires to be happy or joyous.  I just don't know what to do.  I don't know what to say.  I can't believe I am at this place in my life.  I'm really not talking to anybody which is allowing me not to make dumb mistakes like before.  But I need to get a hold on my life.  I'm finally 25 years old by the way, the official cometh of age. lol. I do not even have the energy to finish this post.  Goodnight.