If I Walk Out the Room and Come Back In...

If I walk out of the room and come back in...would you look at me like I've been gone a million years?

Would you brush my hair aside and say, "Hey Beautiful, where have you been?"

Would you give me more than a pat on the butt and a kiss on the cheek?

If I walk out of the room and come back in...would you hold me and never let me leave your arms again?

Would you take the time to notice that I did my hair?

Would you go the extra mile to make sure that I felt like the queen of your kingdom?

If I walk out of the room and come back in...would you tell me to Stop so that you can soak it all in, the beauty, the grace, the body of your dreams?

Would you give me your love and take my love?

Would you tell me sweet-nothings until they turn into somethings and kisses?

If I walk out of the room and come back in....

Love is Hanging Out

This week has been a special week for me.


I love my best friend and seeing her on that hospital bed in pain for delivering this baby has not been easy, but I wanted to be there for her and at one point take the pain for her.  She has been so brave though and now I have a beautiful goddaughter who is healthy and calm.  She is so sweet.  I held her in my arms for the first time yesterday and just instantly fell in love with this beautiful girl.  I know that we are going to be close and I want to be the best godmother that I can be for her.  After all the stress and pain it took to get her to the outside world, she is a blessing wrapped up in cozy blankets.  :)


It has been getting easier for me to look back on the memories of my past love.  It has been easier to go onto his page and look at the relationship he has.  I have been making progress. Yesterday I passed this restaurant where we made a vow that we can only eat with each other there.  It just made me think of all the empty promises and all the past tokens that we shared.  I am excited that I might possibly be moving on with my life and I hardly ever cry anymore over him or about him.  I have been talking to him again lately which has been a little easier, I still feel a little hint of bitterness but it is slowly fading.  I am getting used to love hanging out and hanging around. Lingering in the shadows. 


I am seeing the transformation of this new fellow.  He is not a Prince Charming but each week, he is making progress to show compassion and sensitivity. He has told me that I might be his best friend, and he has initiated by saying he misses me.  But I think I will take heed to the advice that was given to me by my goddaughter's father: leave him alone and let him chase me.  Let him come to me because I am worth so much more.  I know this.  I am lonely I can admit that but I don't want to lose myself in his swag either.  I look back over the years and I see the change that has occurs in both of us, me getting tougher and him getting softer but it is still not enough.  I feel like our friendship has holes that SUV's can fit through.  I just want to be loved and give love.  Maybe I am not ready yet though.  


But I know that 2012 is going to be a good year.  I feel it.  Love can hang out if it wants to for now.  But come the new year. It's time to get busy and go to work. It's time to have new experiences, get out and change my life for what I want to do.  Nobody is going to take care of me better than me and that's real. 

Gaining confidence

Do you know how hard it is to free yourself from guilty temptation when his sexy body is sitting next to you looking all good and delicious. But you have to think about the promise you made to yourself and stick to the dreams and goals you have.  I do not want to have sex until I'm married where me and that person are so close and mature that we will be able to deal with the consequences of diseases and possibly pregnancy.  Even if we are not engaged at least we are thinking about spending part of our lives with each other. I had to fight tonight man, but it was worth it until I felt that empty space in my bed next to me. Lord please do not let me fall in love with this man who does not and will not love me. ugh. But this is about gaining confidence to love yourself to stand up for yourself and stand for what you believe in and getting rid of that temptation. I want more and long as I stand by my decision and trust God I shall receive and boy don't i want to receive. Keep ya head up love is in the air and I've chosen to stick to God's love because it never lets me down :)

Friends with Benefits

Friends with Benefits, in case you didn't read it the first time. What is that? Are you serious?

You are basically asking me to give up my celibacy so you can have sex whenever you feel like it with my stuff and then when you meet the love of your life, drop me like a sac of burning potatoes?

I just get so upset because I want to ask myself how did I get here to this place when I would even consider that from a man. Love is so important to me. I feel like I sold out or was about to anyway.

Is it too much to ask for a little sensitivity to my needs and wants? I guess it is. I just want to hurry up, make this decision and move on with my life and all the trash in it. That's right I said it trash.  It was trash to even fix your lips to ask me something like that.  And you call yourself Christian and ridding yourself of the flesh.

What did I do to deserve this?

I know I am being tested but I would like it to stop.

This is never going to work because I want the title.  I want to be able to tell people that this is my man and I am his woman. He is joyous to be in public with me by his side.  He will want to comfort me and be there for me when I'm low and I for him.  This tiptoe along the friendship line is really starting to work on my last nerves especially because I know that there is something better for me. I can feel it and I know in my gut that sex is not the answer especially with someone who does not appreciate me.

Losing Myself

Hello Readers,

I'm sorry for my short absence. Love has been taking a little break from my life.

I was so moved on from the person I was months ago and now I feel it again burning in me like a death sentence.  I am losing myself in all my desires.  I am losing myself in all my surroundings. I am losing control of everything that I worked so hard for.  When I took the time to step back and evaluate myself, I realized I was bitter, jealous, envious, depressed, and slightly insane.  It scared the shit out of me. I have always been happy for people who are happy.  I am not and I need to find out how to regain my self.

This past few weeks have been one of turmoil and distress. disappointment. low on self. low on drive. I feel like everything that I had I lost in less than a year. Where I was on top of my world, my world is now weighing down on me. I haven't been to church in over a month. Every time I want to go, I get scared that everyone is looking at me seeing all my sins and transgressions.  Feeling like I should know what God wants and I am constantly going against the grain.

I have been wanting sex. I have been wanting a lover. I have been wanting a new job. I have been wanting my own place. I have been wanting to get married. I have been wanting to move on. Nothing is going how I thought it would.

This guy has been playing with me so much that I have to wonder do I have enough self-respect for letting him do and say that things he has to me. Every time I try to fight I remind myself that I do not want to be alone even if it is a pathetic relationship.  I just want to be wanted, cared about, someone to care for. It takes so much energy to get out of bed in the morning. And every night I have dreams that are scary, insightful, deceptive.

But I have decided to fight for myself. I am going to take myself seriously.  If I want love, I have to start with God first, then work on myself. I really need to love myself and all the blessings that the Lord has put in my life. Instead of looking at what I do not have (because I want it so bad), I have to start looking at what I do have.

I have to get these deadly sins out of my life if there is nothing else.  You know I considered writing a suicide note for fun.  That's how close I was to insanity.  That's when I knew I needed to do something.  I am working on love and love is working on me.  No longer losing myself but finding myself.

When Love Fades

Now I am not usually a depressed person when it comes to love and there is always a fire burning inside me to love others and love God. 


These last few weeks, I've felt my fire dwindling and slowly burning low and almost out.  I have not felt close to God so I have not prayed. 


I have not felt close to my family so I haven't been around them lately.


I have not felt close to love so I have been making mistakes and longing for things and people I should not. 


The fact that I still think about him everyday amazes me and hurts me at the same time.  How I long for the day when I will be able to erase the desire to be in his arms or smell his cologne again. 


The fact is I haven't felt the same since he told me the news, I've felt lost and deserted.  When he put his hand around my neck, I felt my world crash. Although I know I can trust him, I do not.  I do not trust any guy or anyone. I did not used to be this way.  And when the tears streamed down my cheeks because I was so afraid, so shaken up, I couldn't help but feel alone. I never felt alone with him. 


To think my world has changed so dramatically, I might see love unfold in new places in new dimensions, in new realms.  But not in my life. 


I have decided to focus on the Lord and ignore my distractions.  Ignore the devil's taunts. As the sea parts and the path unfolds, I wish so much that life would be so sweet again. I feel like I will be on the other side victorious. To think that another year will go by and I might reach the happiness that I chased for so long, a whole year, a long year.  


When Love fades, it is a sad hope. 


When Love fades, it takes a toll on your mind, soul, spirit and heart. 


When Love fades, there is nothing left but bitterness and sadness. 


When Love fades...

Love and Sex

After careful reflection of the environment around me, I feel I should reflect on Love and Sex but please be advised, I am going to do some venting, some sharing and some advising.

Just to give a history of my sexual history.  I am currently celibac since I have given my life back to Christ but I am not a virgin.  I have had life-impacting diseases like HPV and cancerous periods as well as bacterial infections. So even if I did not give my life back to Christ, I also feel that sex has its consequences that are scary enough to give up sex. 

I can never be too safe though, even though I haven't had sex in almost a year, I realize that I have faithfully been taking birth control for 24 months. I have kept each monthly pack as a reminder of the commitment that I made.

Now why do I give all this information?

Should a couple have sex?

Under what conditions is love amplified by sex or diminished by sex?

I have been noticing that the people around me have been getting pregnant around me in higher numbers each year.  Some are married, most are not.  Some have planned it, and most have not.  I think about the guidelines that God tells us sex is reserved for marriage.

I have a clearer vision of this plan because of the things/situations I have observed including my own.  When I had sex with my first partner, I did not do it out of love but out of curiosity and because I felt I was "old enough" not mature enough, or spiritual or anything.  So sex already had become a meaningless activity just from the first act. I do not mean meaningless in that it had no importance but that it added no value to our relationship.

Then when I had sex to please someone because he was bored or he felt he had something to prove, I felt dirty like i just violated myself and I vowed never to do that again. 

Then I waited to have sex with the next person, even though we did sexual activities, we held off on sex for quite some time.  Then I realized that maybe we had sex because we felt we had to if we were going to be in a relationship. Our individual relationships with God were strained or tarnished and the same conscious that tells us not to have sex with our current partners was nonexistent then. After some time the desire faded or the impending relationship with God made the act seem less pleasant.  Then the break-up.

Now, I look at my friends which influenced me to write this blog.  I see the relationship that lasted a long time and produced a baby and once that did not last a long time and produced a baby but yet I feel a little sorry for both of the future newborns.  Already, the sincere plan of God's rulings have been sacrificed and these children are already born into a strained or unprepared relationship.  Then I start to thinking that maybe this is the reason I needed to get back right with God, this could've been me.  I was having unprotected sex at one point in my life and I was being careful but how careful can one be when the devil is busy all the time. I look at the strength I have now to fight sex and the almost depleted desire to even be near a penis. 

Besides if you have sex with so many people before you get married you start to judge/compare your partner to previous sex partners and might get bored or judgemental.

I know that sex is pleasurable but the consequences are far too heavy to have sex before marriage when you really think about it. Because even the two most careful people in the world have slip ups and as the saying goes "shit happens".  I really feel that God put this no sex before marriage law in place was because two people that come before God and profess their love in his presence will probably be able to provide a better home for any child or be better soldiers to fight any situation that might come their way.

There are other ways to express your love that do not include lewdness and carnal behavior but each person has to be committed to doing that.  Since my first sex partner that I have been in a relationship with it is interesting to be in a friendship with someone where we do not indulge in sexual activities.  It is actually refreshing, it forces my mind to be more creative. It demands that I think about the other parts of my body and his body.  How I only wish I could have realized this a few years ago, then I would have had this magic with the special person.

Sorry, if I went too long.  I have been burning to put down these thoughts for a few days. Thanks for reading.

My Heart. Mi Corazon.

The heart.  El corazon.

Four chambers.  Cuatro camaras.

A steady beat. Un ritmo cantante.

About the size of my fist.  Sobre el tamano de mi puno.

In the middle of my chest.  En el centro de mi pecho.

Blood going through.  Sangre que pasa por.

Protected by a sternum and ribs. Protegido por el esternon y las costillas.

A complex system physically and theoretically. Un sistema complejo de fisica y teoricamente.

Delicate. Delicado.

How can it feel?  Como lo siente?

I see you and then I see my heart.  Te veo y veo a mi corazon.

Without you to love. Sin que al amor.

It beats slower, it is smaller. Que late mas lentamente, es mas pequena.

Science doesn't prove it, but I feel it. La ciencia no lo prueba, pero lo siento.

My heart. Mi corazon.

Penned 2011

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is so weird.  I have so much love around me.  God loves me, my family loves me and the world is spinning so that I will meet many more individuals in my life.  It's been months and I still get jitters and I still remember.  It's been a year and I still have the same vision in my life despite the tide of the waves.  Despite what God has placed before me to learn from.  I know now why I have been through so much. I know now why I am not falling, I am rising to love. I am learning how to develop as a person.  I can't let myself get too excited when I am around you because then I will hit the bottom harder when you're gone.  I take myself out of the equation and you keep putting yourself back in.  I will be gone like I should have been. I learned more about myself this year than many years combined.  I have decided to be different because I want to be not because someone told me or because I was trying to please someone else. 

I look at my mother.  If you never stop moving and you always have someone lined up, you do not have to feel the pain.  If you focus on the bad things and break off, then you won't have to remember the good times and want them back.  If you never are alone, you never have to feel alone.  All this time, I thought that I was learning from her and she was destroying the realness of love for me. 

I look at my father. If you just shut out the world and pretend like there is nothing going on at home, you do not have to face it.  If you love somone else and you are unhappy, it does not matter because marriage is not about being happy anymore.  It is about surviving.  It is about not wanting to split the house, the cars, the pets, the kids. 

I look at my grandparents.  If he never comes home, then you have to find things to do.  If he loves his job more than he loves you than what is a few more years.  If you haven't slept in the same bed in over ten years what difference does it make, you are right down the hall.  If you love each other enough to go another ten 25 years then you will be buried together and no one will ever know what went on.

I look at my aunts. If all we see is failed marriages and non-marriages, what hope is there left for us? Who is the model? If the queen of the castle has had six children by three different men and three husbands, what is the real lesson here?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's why it is time to write our own books, children and grandchildren.  That is why I'm reading what God wants because I am not sure what my fate will be if I end up listening to those around me. I just wish it was not so ambiguous.  I wish I could Stand Still and Know. It is so much more difficult than it looks. And my heart is not what it used to be.  My heart is growing with fear each day, but I have to fight. I have to or I am going to end up like them. I want so much not to end up like them.

The Loveless Relationship

“We are just friends.”

As a pro advocate of love, I just wonder how I got myself into a loveless relationship. I do not know why I agreed to this. Maybe I felt like I would not get hurt. Or maybe I felt like I would get over my true love faster. All I know is that I never thought I would see the day that I was out of college and being in a relationship where time won’t count to marriage. Where two people are doing most of what is in a relationship and calling it friendship.

He knows I am not his wife according to his relationship with God and I know he is not my husband according to my relationship with God. So what are we doing? Filling in time in the meantime? The funny thing is why would I expect something different? I know all the circumstances. I knew from the beginning.

But I want more. I’ll always want more. I like the fact that he is a Christian man and he does keep me grounded.  He allows me to open my mind in a friendship but close my mind to other sex-crazed men (which is crucial to my celibacy).  But why would anyone just want to be a space-filler? That worries me about him. Like I expressed this morning over the phone, I know he is not going to “fall in love” with me and I won’t unless it is reciprocal so we are two people in an overrated friendship. Am I going to voice these worries, probably not?

And for me, to be single is like a devil’s playpen for my mind. My only desire is to love and be loved and this is my vulnerability. That is why I am thankful for someone who is going to keep my mind distracted with good, holy thoughts. And the cat keeps dragging in more guys who just do not realize how much they fall short. Too many without the love of Christ in their lives.

And I think for him, it is a gateway to breaking down the trust issues he has with women.  When that one woman comes (Proverbs 31, as he puts it) she will be everything to him and he will know how to be everything to her. Trusting her to be his partner through those vows said at the altar.  A good man. I sort of hope this woman comes sooner than later.

This year has been one for the books.

A word of advice, always be honest with yourself and be real with the people around you. Hearing the circumstances out loud, laid out on the table should make you evaluate the situation for what it is and determine your next move. What works for one person may not work for another and change must come from the inside not the outside. Always.

This Day

Why do we celebrate anninversaries? Our birthdays, holidays, marriage days. Because we want to remember a special day in our history, in our lives, and with others.

Today I remember, three years ago, we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Today I remember, three years ago, we were sitting in his car when we decided that we wanted to be together. Today I remember, three years ago, feeling one of the happiest moments of my life because I was excited about the journey I was to embark on.

I think about some relationships as a wild safari ride. You are supposed to stay in the car until you reach the place that will take you home. All the animals are distractions like people. Just because you get out the car to take pictures of the animals or look at them closely, you don't really want to stay there with them and you certainly do not want to lose the path.  Some of us are good at staying in the car and some of us are not. But more than likely we all want to get home. We all want to come back to that one person who is like home.

What I remember most about three years ago, this day, was that I met someone who was not going to ridicule me with games, or jump little kids any time we had a fight, or abuse me like my other previous boyfriends.  I met someone who I could love and he could restore my broken heart.  If only I would have been stronger then, we would have been celebrating our three year anniversary, this day. Unfortunately, we did not make it to our second year anniversary. But those first two years were the most wonderful years for me. Everyone could tell I was happy.  Everyone could see that I found someone who brought the best out of me. So I will never forget this day for the rest of my life. When I wake up on this day as the years go by I will remember what extraordinary person was placed in my life. That chapter might be over but it is not erased.

Happy Anniversary to the One I love.

Boy oh Boy

Man I was stupid.

You can't help who you love.

I was stupid to think that love would manifest where it does not live.

Your heart has to be open to it.

My heart is open to love God.

It is not open to love him.

That voice telling me I was unsure was my spirit.

I refused my spirit.

Why did I do that?

God I need you. I love YOU.

Love Song Montage I

Love, a word that comes and goes
but few people really know
what it means to really love somebody

Love by God's Property

First time I saw your face
My heart just erased
All the guys I knew before
You walked into my life
I was the type to never want for nothing

I Love You by Faith Evans

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

L.O.V.E. by Michael Buble

One plus one equals two
And it's me and you
That's all we'll have when the world is through (cause baby)
We ain't got nothing without love
Darling you got enough for the both of us (so come on baby)

1+1 by Beyonce



Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those who faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joy and hurt
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

Love by Musiq Soulchild

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you,
For you I will.

For You I will by Monica

And he dont have to have money
His love is just like honey
Its so sweet to me
He can have everything in this world
But he'll sacrafice it all for me
And I made up my mind
Im in love this time
And it feels so real

And I by Ciara

Pressing on the up away
Always guide me Lord I pray
Undeserving, and stubbornly never fail to love me still

Yes Jesus loves me
Oh yes Jesus loves me
Oh yes Jesus loves me, for the Bible tells me so

Jesus Loves Me by Whitney Houston

This love this love
The only love
That comes down from the heavens
([F. Hammond:] why do you love)
Better than mothers, better than
Fathers oh oh oh
This love this love
This love is your love
This love is my love
([F. Hammond:] why do you love)
This love this love
From God the Father
God up in heaven you oughta know

This Love by Mary Mary

You make my life complete
You are so sweet, no one competes
Glad you came into my life
You blind me with your love, with you I have no sight

Differences by Ginuwine

The way you walk, the way you talk
The way you say my name and smile
The way you move me, the way you soothe me
The way you speak softly through the night
Every morning you rise and open your eyes
I just wanna be there with you baby
I just wanna be yours from this day forth

You by Jesse Powell

Nobody gonna love me better
I must stick with you forever.
Nobody gonna take me higher
I must stick with you.
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you, my baby.
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you.

Stick with You by The Pussycat Dolls

But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know. . .

At Your Best by Aaliyah

'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time

Until the End of Time by Justin Timberlake

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try, try to divide, something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there ain't no one

No one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

No One by Alicia Keys

More to come....

You Lose...You Gain

Well I lost some friends this year, I gained some new friends this year.  It is the circle of life.  I lost guy friends but I gained girl friends. I lost the love of my life, but I gained a partner, I think. I am just so confused about what the Lord wants for me, what I want, and how everything fits into this new life that I am going to have with the Lord. So, I find myself going to try to make it work with a man I do not love at the moment but I respect him and he respects me.  He is not Second Best but he chooses to be exclusive with me and I did not even know until yesterday. He understands what is going on with my heart and he still wants to be with me. That is the interesting part. I am waiting to see how this goes. I really am. I am going to take the advice of my friends and go out on a limb. Take a chance. See where this goes. See if this is what the Lord is trying to give me. The minute it starts to go left though I will have to pull out. With him though things will be very different. There won't be a boyfriend-girlfriend declaration or relationship.  It will be friendship that is between friends and lovers. A part of me is so excited though because it will be different. It will be the first time I will be in a relationship with God in the front from the beginning. Both of us finally have a strong foundation in God that will help us love each other better and God's way. Who can resist love?


Stay tuned. I am coming up with a montage of love songs for you faithful readers.

Researching the Definition of Love

Okay so I have given Bible verses defining love and its qualities and what it means to love God from the Word.  Now I wanted to research what society defines as love and how these definitions are interrelated and compared to true perfect, Godly love. Here are my findings.

love

verb /ləv/ loved, past participle; loved, past tense; loves, 3rd person singular present; loving, present participle

1.    Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)

§  - do you love me?

2.    Like very much; find pleasure in

§  - I'd love a cup of tea, thanks

§  - I just love dancing

§  - a fun-loving girl

noun /ləv/ loves, plural

3.    An intense feeling of deep affection

§  - babies fill parents with intense feelings of love

§  - their love for their country

4.    A deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone

§  - it was love at first sight

§  - they were both in love with her

§  - we were slowly falling in love

5.    A personified figure of love, often represented as Cupid

6.    A great interest and pleasure in something

§  - his love for football

§  - we share a love of music

7.    Affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one's behalf

8.    A formula for ending an affectionate letter

§  - take care, lots of love, Judy

9.    A person or thing that one loves

§  - she was the love of his life

§  - their two great loves are tobacco and whiskey

10. A friendly form of address

§  - it's all right, love

11. Used to express affectionate approval for someone

§  - don't fret, there's a love

12. (in tennis, squash, and some other sports) A score of zero; nil

§  - love fifteen

- he was down two sets to love

Web definitions

o    a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; "his love for his work"; "children need a lot of love"

o    have a great affection or liking for; "I love French food"; "She loves her boss and works hard for him"

o    any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has a passion for cock fighting";

o    get pleasure from; "I love cooking"

o    be enamored or in love with; "She loves her husband deeply"

o    beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment

wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

o    Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.Oxford Illustrated American Dictionary (1998) + Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary (2000) In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. ...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

o    A deep or abiding liking for something; A profound and caring attraction towards someone; The object of one’s romantic feelings; a darling or sweetheart; A term of friendly address, regardless of feelings; To have a strong affection for; To need, thrive on; To be strongly inclined towards ...

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/love

o    An English surname

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Love

o    An attractive, lovely person, especially a (professional) beauty; A lovely object; Inspiring actual love; Evoking love-like, happy emotions by aesthetic or similar endearing qualities; Very nice, wonderful in a general sense; Loving, filled with love

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/lovely

o    Differentia: Based on a positive value-judgment, it is positive and often intense

www.importanceofphilosophy.com/Dictionary.html

o    Zero; no points. For example, a score of 40-love means that the server has scored three points and the receiver hasn't scored any. In a set score, it means that the player hasn't won any games. Probably derived from the old French word for egg, l'ove, because a zero is egg-shaped.

www.hickoksports.com/glossary/gtennis.shtml

o    A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

www.pawsperouspets.com/humor/dogdictionary.shtml

o    Love is best explained by actions, as when one of our participants was trying a nasty chemical treatment on her scalp and her whole head blew up like a balloon. Her kindergarten daughter said, "you look so pretty mommy, you should go on a date".

www.alopeciaareata.nl/AlopeciaFAQ-dict.html

o    A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person or idea

www.ethics.org/resource/definitions-values

o    (from NDE) (Old English lëof: dear, or Latin lubere) Jaspers writes that one of the elements of philosophical faith is “love as the fundamental actualization of the eternal man. ...

www.tameri.com/csw/exist/ex_lexicon.html

o    Love is a special feeling that fills your heart. You show love in a smile, a kind word, a thoughtful act or a hug. Love is treating people and things with care and kindness because they mean so much to you. Love is contagious. It keeps spreading.

www.virtuesproject.com/virtuesdef.html

1.

transitive and intransitive verb feel tender affection for somebody: to feel tender affection for somebody such as a close relative or friend, or for something such as a place, an ideal, or an animal

2. 

transitive and intransitive verb feel desire for somebody: to feel romantic and sexual desire and longing for somebody

3. 

transitive verb like something very much: to like something, or like doing, something very much

"I love watching old movies on TV."

4. 

transitive verb show kindness to somebody: to feel and show kindness and charity to somebody

"love your enemies"

5. 

transitive verb have sex with somebody: to have sexual intercourse with somebody ( dated )

 

 

Word Key: Synonyms

love, liking, affection, fondness, passion, infatuation, crush
CORE MEANING: a strong positive feeling toward somebody or something

 

Okay it's me talking now. I was really interested to how many times I heard affection when I was reading these definitions.  Another thing that struck me as odd was the definition with "sexual pleasure" in it. Our society believes that sometimes in order to love, there has to be some sex involved and pleasure. There are some good definitions here though too and some cute ones like the "wag your tail" definition.  What really surprised me is does love really have to be romantic? Some people aren't romantic and you can love your cousins or family without ever being romantic with them. Is it possible to love someone who isn't a "close relative or friend" I think so.  Why is it not possible to love for the sake of loving? You know what I like about the Bible, it talks about the qualities of love and not so busy with trying to define it. Do your own research, which "definitions" make you feel closer to knowing what love is? The Bible or the Internet (which is supposed to be what the world thinks)? I sm so happy that I finally did this research because I now know that because I love God, I understand what true love is and I do not have to resort to some boring dictionary definition that doesn't even come close to embodying true love.

Love Quotes II

"True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpart in another." - Wedding Crashers

"To love someone is to love all of them, in and out, no matter what."  Need an example, think about God's love.

Just Talking from the Heart...

Love keeps me grounded and drives me crazy at the same time. I am so in love with Christ and I can openly express that. I can share with the world that love and it emanates from me with a passion and each week that I go to church and Bible study, I feel that love getting stronger and more connected.  Each day I read a Scripture, I feel a sense of certainty in at least one situation going on in my life.  Each time I sing and praise the Lord, I feel the Spirit within me. I know that Jesus is right next to me always.

Then I am so in love with him and I have to hold it in like a full bottle of water about to bust in the freezer.  I can’t show it and I cannot share it. I cannot hold him or kiss him.  I cannot stay up until the wee hours of the morning talking about all the things I want to get off my chest. I have to choose to stay away from him and push him away to relieve my guilt.

The thing is I am not miserable, I am not depressed. I just want something so bad that every day the memories fill in and every day is a day lost.

Second Best

" I will not settle, but if I were to settle, it would be you. Second Best. "

And when second best comes back into your life, what do you do? Do you move them to first place? Can your heart mend to love another? And what was the point of waiting for the short amount of time already? I miss my love so much. I think about him every day.  I could not even fully enjoy my vacation because the memories kept popping up in my head every place we went. I thought about him and then at the end of my trip, we were obligated to see each other.  Transferring the dog from one place to another.  Seeing his face, both of us avoiding eye contact, both of us avoiding the painful look in each others’ faces. I just do not know if I want to go down that emotional road again. 

But if I was going to go down that road a second time, I couldn’t see it being with anyone else but second best. Yet there would have to be some serious communication.  We just do not understand each other most of the time. But our friendship is something serious. I have to say there is something there that makes us come back even years after fights.  I need to pray on this. I do not like nor want to be confused. Love should be sure of itself.  I know that I love God.  I know that I love him but I really do not know if I love second best or if it’s an attraction that pops up every time I feel lonely.  Every time I feel like being in someone's arms.  I do not want to be alone. I do not want to be unhappy like my parents.  I do not want people around me not to see me smile.  It seems like everyone wants to be in my life.  They want to take a piece of me with them, yet they do not want to give me a piece of them. They do not want to walk out on that branch and meet we halfway but be on the other end at the other side.  Why should I have to travel on that long branch by myself?

Vacation was very fun but difficult. My mother and I stayed in the same hotel that my love and I spent those days together last year.  We passed the caricature drawing stand. We went to the Seafood Buffet. We went to the World's Largest Gift shop.  All the while, passing all the places that I had wonderful memories in: Paris, The Tram, The Venetian, Monte Carlo, the M&M store, Treasure Island, Circus Circus, The movie theatre, The expensive gas station off the 15, the Del taco on the corner of Silverado Ranch Blvd and Las Vegas Blvd and so much more. I couldn't stop thinking about him, I sounded like a broken record, I could not stop saying his name.

Then the last night in the hotel and second best hits me up. When I get home, second best tells me he wants to be in my life again. He wants things to be as they used to be. I am not sure that I like him let alone will want to love him. He will always be my friend, that's for sure: I do not know why but he keeps popping back into my life like my monthly period. So there is a reason why he fits into the chapters of my life. But I do not want to be thinking it is more than it is or worse, he think that. I know where my heart lies. 

I cannot wait to start working and being busy again. I need to occupy my mind with something else other than memories.  I feel like I am stronger now to defeat temptation though.  But what is the point? My love life is on shut down right now. I need to go to church. Missing a week put me in a difficult head space. But I will be back this week, ready to receive my "food" from the Lord. But remember love is special, and it requires a lot of things but it will never fail. Never ever.

Love Poems I

Big Brown Eyes

Your big brown eyes send a chill down my spine

I lose myself in your eyes those big brown eyes

Connect me to your mind

Emotions are shared

Love, pain, smiles your eyes make me wild

How divine it is to stare into ur big brown eyes

By: A.H.

Sweet Love

Mi amor dulce siempre

Sera tuya

For now and for ever

Mi amor dulce siempre

te spera cuando son dias largos

With my arms waiting to embrace you

Mi amor dulce

By: A.H.

Untitled

Hold me in your arms sweet thing
Whisper sweet nothings in my ear
Tell me you love me one more time
Tell me you'll always be there.

Give me the hope that I need,
to survive this cruel world and
share my love with your
body, heart and soul

So that all is one and one is all
And nothing will break the chains
that bind our spirits, spirits of love
protectors of our emotions

I can't sleep without hearing your
spoken word nor dream without your
comfort. When the world stops spinning
I know I will still have you next to me

Loving me, holding me, telling me
not to fear. Take these words I give
you and keep them near. For when
all else fails, I'll always be here.

By: yours truly (2008)



More to come....