If I Walk Out the Room and Come Back In...

If I walk out of the room and come back in...would you look at me like I've been gone a million years?

Would you brush my hair aside and say, "Hey Beautiful, where have you been?"

Would you give me more than a pat on the butt and a kiss on the cheek?

If I walk out of the room and come back in...would you hold me and never let me leave your arms again?

Would you take the time to notice that I did my hair?

Would you go the extra mile to make sure that I felt like the queen of your kingdom?

If I walk out of the room and come back in...would you tell me to Stop so that you can soak it all in, the beauty, the grace, the body of your dreams?

Would you give me your love and take my love?

Would you tell me sweet-nothings until they turn into somethings and kisses?

If I walk out of the room and come back in....

Love is Hanging Out

This week has been a special week for me.


I love my best friend and seeing her on that hospital bed in pain for delivering this baby has not been easy, but I wanted to be there for her and at one point take the pain for her.  She has been so brave though and now I have a beautiful goddaughter who is healthy and calm.  She is so sweet.  I held her in my arms for the first time yesterday and just instantly fell in love with this beautiful girl.  I know that we are going to be close and I want to be the best godmother that I can be for her.  After all the stress and pain it took to get her to the outside world, she is a blessing wrapped up in cozy blankets.  :)


It has been getting easier for me to look back on the memories of my past love.  It has been easier to go onto his page and look at the relationship he has.  I have been making progress. Yesterday I passed this restaurant where we made a vow that we can only eat with each other there.  It just made me think of all the empty promises and all the past tokens that we shared.  I am excited that I might possibly be moving on with my life and I hardly ever cry anymore over him or about him.  I have been talking to him again lately which has been a little easier, I still feel a little hint of bitterness but it is slowly fading.  I am getting used to love hanging out and hanging around. Lingering in the shadows. 


I am seeing the transformation of this new fellow.  He is not a Prince Charming but each week, he is making progress to show compassion and sensitivity. He has told me that I might be his best friend, and he has initiated by saying he misses me.  But I think I will take heed to the advice that was given to me by my goddaughter's father: leave him alone and let him chase me.  Let him come to me because I am worth so much more.  I know this.  I am lonely I can admit that but I don't want to lose myself in his swag either.  I look back over the years and I see the change that has occurs in both of us, me getting tougher and him getting softer but it is still not enough.  I feel like our friendship has holes that SUV's can fit through.  I just want to be loved and give love.  Maybe I am not ready yet though.  


But I know that 2012 is going to be a good year.  I feel it.  Love can hang out if it wants to for now.  But come the new year. It's time to get busy and go to work. It's time to have new experiences, get out and change my life for what I want to do.  Nobody is going to take care of me better than me and that's real. 

Gaining confidence

Do you know how hard it is to free yourself from guilty temptation when his sexy body is sitting next to you looking all good and delicious. But you have to think about the promise you made to yourself and stick to the dreams and goals you have.  I do not want to have sex until I'm married where me and that person are so close and mature that we will be able to deal with the consequences of diseases and possibly pregnancy.  Even if we are not engaged at least we are thinking about spending part of our lives with each other. I had to fight tonight man, but it was worth it until I felt that empty space in my bed next to me. Lord please do not let me fall in love with this man who does not and will not love me. ugh. But this is about gaining confidence to love yourself to stand up for yourself and stand for what you believe in and getting rid of that temptation. I want more and long as I stand by my decision and trust God I shall receive and boy don't i want to receive. Keep ya head up love is in the air and I've chosen to stick to God's love because it never lets me down :)

Friends with Benefits

Friends with Benefits, in case you didn't read it the first time. What is that? Are you serious?

You are basically asking me to give up my celibacy so you can have sex whenever you feel like it with my stuff and then when you meet the love of your life, drop me like a sac of burning potatoes?

I just get so upset because I want to ask myself how did I get here to this place when I would even consider that from a man. Love is so important to me. I feel like I sold out or was about to anyway.

Is it too much to ask for a little sensitivity to my needs and wants? I guess it is. I just want to hurry up, make this decision and move on with my life and all the trash in it. That's right I said it trash.  It was trash to even fix your lips to ask me something like that.  And you call yourself Christian and ridding yourself of the flesh.

What did I do to deserve this?

I know I am being tested but I would like it to stop.

This is never going to work because I want the title.  I want to be able to tell people that this is my man and I am his woman. He is joyous to be in public with me by his side.  He will want to comfort me and be there for me when I'm low and I for him.  This tiptoe along the friendship line is really starting to work on my last nerves especially because I know that there is something better for me. I can feel it and I know in my gut that sex is not the answer especially with someone who does not appreciate me.