Sorry for the language but there was no way to get that across without the severity of events that led to this post. I really had an eye opening weekend away from California in the town of my "boo". A weekend I was more miserable leaving it than I was entering it. I feel a tinge of repress as I look back on it now. The rudeness, the smoking, the cursing, the crying, the insomnia, the fear...all the things that could have went wrong did and I had to come to terms with myself and our relationship this week.
One of my friends said it sounded like I was settling and that really pained my heart because it made me think of all the past relationships. I was trying to compromise on things I know I morbidly hated to be with this person but why? Am I trying to satisfy some deep craved hunger for comfort and affection? Or could I inexplicably be in love again falling hard blind to the path of destruction I might take again? Only to realize I might be played again.
I will say this much I will never forget the pain I felt as he talked worst than he would a beggar on the street, it shocked me that he could and did show no mercy when I tried to leave the overcrowded house from which I felt barricaded in one room. A part of me felt like I deserved it and another part of me was pissed that he could fix his mouth to curse me out let alone call me names that were so opposite from baby and sweetie.
I felt under appreciated and as much as I tried to hide it I knew I was not doing a good job of masking my disappointment. I'm evaluating whether this is the love I've been yearning for: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. The good news is I am back to my self and I am not feeling so down but I am sleepy right now. Until next time readers...
