Hello Bloggers and Readers,
I sat down and read every entry on the blog this past weekend and I really couldn't help but mention this new topic: love over time.
I believed and knew with all my heart that I loved this ex of mines and with every post, I was miserably loving someone who could not and would not love me back the way I wanted him to. Then the "second best" just happened to be around while I was falling hard on my a**. I was upset because my ex made it work with his ex-girlfriend whom he started talking to immediately after our talk and I could not get that same reciprocity from "second best" and that was the part that ultimately irking me. It was gnawing at me like a lion ravishing a deer. I remember how miserable I was trying to figure out how to hold on and let go at the same time. I would secretly look at social medias and update myself on how he was doing then be upset with myself for doing so and causing an uproar in emotions yet again.
I had to really evaluate myself and how far I had come, why is it that I am able to share the love inside of me with another person, when I was professing my love deeply and irrevocably just two years ago to my ex? How is it that we can say that we love one person and then years, months, days later say we love another just as deeply or even more so? It's questions like these that make me doubt myself sometimes. Questions like these that make me wonder what kind of emotions will arise in the burning depths of my soul if I ever saw my ex again.
Love over time, but is it ironic that I would be with one of my exes now? It is paradoxical indeed. Makes me wonder about the love that exists here on Earth. I try so much to embrace the love that God has shared with us. But I realize that I always fall short and I have been 'in love' too many times. Who's to say that I ever really "fell in or out of love" with anyone. I guess this is the point when you realize you that like God's love, it is unconditional yet versatile to meet the needs of everyone, pleases everyone, can be molded to fit each person.
Although I may not know what to do with this love for my ex, I know what to do with the love I have now. My sliver of happiness and hope has found root in the soil of my pain. I am so happy that 7 years later, we can have something to fight for together in each other. Each one of us holding on to a love that is bigger than the two of us. I am thankful that I have learned as a Christian how to put God first and everything that follows comes second to him. The minute I put a relationship with man before my relationship with God, I have already failed Him, us and myself. I cannot allow myself to enter those depths of destruction again.
Getting sleepy and definitely have to wake up early tomorrow. Good night and good love.
Stay blessed readers.
