Hello 2014, Goodbye 2013

Well another year is gone.  It has been a very interesting year filled with ups and downs and a lot of lessons learned.

I have accomplished more goals in my life, seen new things.  I have experienced a different type of love and a realization about myself that will be hard to attack.

My new motto for the new year is: "Live bigger. Love better. Shine brighter."

I want to inspire and try to give myself a chance to be happy by myself.  I have spent a lot of my adult life in a relationship and in relationships with the wrong people who do not value the love and care that I want to bestow on them.  Well, this year is time for me to be in a relationship with God and myself.  For real this time.  I am going to try to empower myself.  Heal my spirit. Learn to trust again. Learn to love again like I used to love.  With all of my heart, mind and soul.

It seems like the ghosts of my past have been coming back to life in the recent years but have really opened my eyes to the issues that I have with myself and men.

I do not want to be taken advantage of and I do not want to be fighting to bring up a life with someone who has lost hope and lost that fire for living.  For chasing dreams. For climbing ladders. For reaching goals.

I hate to be the person that turns away a soul when their life is down; it feels as though you are kicking a man when he is already down but I feel like I will lose myself again and who's to say I won't be ultimately hurt in the end?  I want a new perspective.  I want to come into a relationship where we have been together for awhile before crisis hits, not starting off with crisis.  That's no way to begin.

I have become so afraid to love that I have sabotaged all good things that have come to me and then I realize that these people go on to live better lives with more value and blessings than I could ever hope for.  I am so sure that I have made many choices for the better this year, some for the worst.  I knew that I couldn't build a relationship on what-ifs and what-could-be but I went down that road anyway and lots of money and a broken friendship later, here I am, once again.

So, with the new year in tow.  I just am most excited about getting my Master's degree at the end of the year and finding true love in Jesus.  He will never let me down, He has brought me through every storm.  I just want to minister to someone with my testimony.  So, goodbye to 2013 and cheers to 2014, may your days bring more good ones than bad ones, more dreams than nightmares, and more rewards than ever!