When You Wish Love Didn't Live There

Read something today that triggered my blog instincts. Made me realize I have left you all hanging for awhile.

First, a quote: "Never leave something good to find something better, because once you realize you had the best, the best has found better." From S.E.L. on Facebook

I was thinking about my past month of adventures and the new flames and old ones.  I realize that I am falling in love with someone I really wish I didn't.  When this person has shown me mostly the worst and some of the best of him.  I cannot and should not fall into this trap.  But he has a hold on me like a fish on a triple hook; I can't seem to shake him.  Every time I get good and ready to leave, give up, turn the other cheek, I find myself still reaching out to him.  I want to become a better person, a better lover, a better saint.  I feel like I have lost sight of that recently and partly because I have been thinking about the relationship (or whatever he calls it) with him.

I find myself wanting a alcoholic drink more and more.  I find myself thinking too much about him and not enough about the Lord.  I want to know why I can't seem to enjoy being single.  It's like I am not complete unless I am working for someone, caring for them and enjoying their love for me.  I will have to start focusing back on the love for Christ again.  Reading my Bible everyday, praying every day and every night.  I seemed to cope better with this single life when I was doing that.  Now I just feel under all my burdens each day.  Two nights ago was the first time I really cried in a couple of months which is really long for me.  I knew then I was in trouble.

Suffering because I that I am not capable of being a cold, calculated machine with guys how they are with me sometimes.  This blog is also about my dog.  I wish that I did not love him so much.  I wish it would be easy for me to give him away to a nice family with kids and a home with a backyard.  When I see him suffering in my house staying in one room and only having a patio to play outside in which is probably eight feet by eight feet.  I get sad.  Especially when his father (previous owner) will not even care to send a message to check on him because he feels that I do not want to hear from him.  Yes, he is my ex and yes I would rather not be friends anymore but you can still check on the dog.  Why is that so hard? Where is the love?

I got played and I am getting played.  So, I wish love did not live in the places that it does right now because the only one who is miserable is me.  Just venting.  Will have something more solid for ya next week. :)